The Bends

From the Desk of Jase:

When I took my certification classes for scuba diving, one test they made me perform was to screw a bolt onto a nut. Simple task, right? They timed me attaching the nut to the bolt first on the deck of the boat before jumping in, and then they also made me perform the task, timed again, at a depth of about 110 feet during a shipwreck dive. I would never have guessed it, but my time was significantly slower on the bottom. The point of the exercise was to demonstrate that--even if you think your judgment, cognitive decision-making ability, reflexes, and efficienty are exactly the same--they are not. Because of the changed environment and increased nitrogen in your bloodstream, everyone experiences small effects of nitrogen narcosis. Which is why you plan ahead, monitor your buddy, don't take unnecessary risks, and keep to the safety regulations when surfacing to avoid decompression sickness (aka "The Bends").

As we enter the second year of this international assignment, I got to thinking about all the comments from family, friends and co-workers we received over the summer holidays. One of the most recurring questions was: "How is it different?" I mean, besides the fact that it's a new country and a new language that we are still struggling with. In responding to that question, I attempted, unsuccessfully, to explain the cumulative amounts of tiny changes and adjustments that we've experienced thus far, some of which feel like they've reduced our efficiency or the pace we were used to. All of these small differences are part of the challenge, stretching, and growth opportunities that come along with any foreign rotation. You don't feel the growth anymore than you can see your kids put on inches, but I can only assume that we must be growing in some ways because we feel like we've been WAY outside of your comfort zone for such an extended period of time. On cloudier days, these tiny differences can feel like inconveniences and on stormy days I'll admit that they sometimes feel like unnecessary points of annoyance and frustration (when we just shake our heads, shrug our shoulders, and say "Vive la France"). Most of these occurred during that first year "plunge," which means that as we've started Year 2, it has gone much smoother. We just know better now. Our perspectives were widened most rapidly then (or is it that we've learned less in recent months...hopefully not).

So herein I list, a non-comprehensive list of some of the adjustments and bending, both positive and negative that our family experienced during the first year up to now. Things that we know have or are causing us to get the nut onto the bolt slower than we would normally do it back on deck.

1. Weights & Measures--like measuring the temperature in Celsius versus Fahrenheit. To date, only Tiff understands this because of her science background. This is true for all the conversions from Imperial to Metric standards--e.g., gallons to liters, miles to kilometers, pounds to kilograms, etc. If it weren't for illegal drugs, I doubt that any American kid would have a shot of knowing how much 100 grams weighs. The only measurement that I've found to be absolutely consistent in the U.S. and here is that eating 1 creme brulee still equals opening up 1 notch on my belt. That ratio is, sadly, intact.

2. Dollars to Euros.  This was to be expected, but what is interesting is how many of our French friends have commented about how switching from the French Franc to the Euro reduced their purchasing power. In fact, most receipts list both Francs and Euros, even though France has been on the Euro for over 10 years now. So when we complain that gas is about $10 a gallon, it turns out that all the locals complain about it too (or at least, how many liters they used to be able to buy with those mighty Francs).

3. From winter snow to winter rain. No complaints here. This was a welcome adjustment for a season, but leads me shortly to:

4. Unprotected necks versus wearing scarves all the time during the cold months. Yes, I'm now a fan of the scarf. And I grudgingly admit that they are cooler than turtlenecks. Plus the girls look dang cute in them, and all three know how to tie them "Euro-style" (see sample pic below of Jocelyn last November).  Yes, she's holding hands with a mannequin boy, but that's not strange or anything. . .

Jenica, Maisy, Jocelyn--December 2010

5. Media Regional Incompatibility--First, from NTSC to PAL video format. This just means that DVDs we brought from the US don't play in normal DVD players, and the ones we buy here don't play normally either. We had to buy a "multi-region" player to accommodate both. Surely this was fixed with the sweet new Blu-Ray technology, right? Nope. All digital coding is still regional-specific. Even things like the Nintendo Wii, the handheld DS consoles, and the Xbox--the games aren't compatible from region to region. Which mean that, yes, we did break down a buy a new Wii and all-new games for the kids. We never did replace the Xbox, which is all for the better since I've had no time to enjoy my usual zombie fests.

6. QWERTY keyboard to AZERTY keyboard. The QWERTY style is the most popular keyboard in the world, for English-speaking countries. In Europe, there are some variants on this. France and Belgium, in particular have adopted an AZERTY-style keyboard instead of QWERTY-style keyboard. Probably because of the frequency of those vowels, etc. The keyboard is only different by less than 10 keys, but when typing on one, my efficiency feels reduced by at least 32%. I've been able to get "imported" QWERTY-style keyboards, but my BlackBerry is still in the French style and it takes some adjustment and corrections, which is not awesome. Not qzesome on qny dqy of the zeek.

Takes longer to LMQO

7. More Power To Ya--switching from 110 voltage to 220 voltage. So, our outlets here pack enough current to run an electric dryer or recharge my phone. It also means that we've fried a few things, and we've bought our fair share of these, just to get our appliances to plug into the wall:

8. Dates and Times--from MM/DD/YYYY (Month-Day-Year) to DD/MM/YYYY format. This is one that's easier to mess up on documents and they are unforgiving about it, as if you are simply making the date up and don't really know the date of your kids' birthday's. Also, from standard time (12AM midnight to 12PM noon) to Military Time, where midnight is 0h00, and bedtime for the kids is 20h00. If this weren't confusing enough, France also observes Daylight Savings Time, but NOT at the exact same time as the United States, even though the latitude is similar to New England (so we're not THAT much further North). The daylight savings time is only 2-3 weeks different, but it's just one of those things that you have to ask--Why?

9. Right Round, Baby, Right Round--From stoplights and 4-way stop signs to roundabouts. Yes, they have roundabouts in the U.S. as well. NOT. LIKE. HERE. This is Roundabout Heaven, where nearly every intersection is connected with roundabouts, and each roundabout has a name (but nobody uses them). It's quaint, and they are sometimes landscaped well, with decorative garnishes (like a turning water wheel), but they are also a little annoying and most accidents occur there. The rumor is that the famous 10-point roundabout in Paris called Place de l'Etoile (Star Plaza) with the Arc de Triomphe at the center of it is the busiest intersection in France and that the police don't even bother investigating traffic accidents there. Another urban myth is that motor insurance companies won't cover you if you are driving around this roundabout, which is not entirely true. But it IS true that if you get into an accident with someone else, that both insurance companies generally just pay for their own policyholder and NOT the other guy.

10. "I don't need to learn French, Dad.  I already speak English and British"--Though it's true Jenica said this to me last year, and I laughed, I now realize there's some truth to viewing American English as similar, but quite different in lots of ways from European English (thanks to the UK).  We all know rubbish, dustbin, trousers, biscuits, and many others, but Tiffany was surprised when they made her use all British spelling in the English classes she teaches Wednesdays, like the American spelling is inferior or less than "correct."  She has to spell words thus: favourite, centre, colour, centimetre, litre, mum (never "mom"), and many others.  They also never say "Z."  It's "Zed."  Also "pants" means "men's underwear," and they ALL use the word "rubber" rather than "eraser."  My girls will need to unlearn that one before they come back to America. . . I'll pay to see the look on their elementary teacher's face when they tell her they "need a rubber--straight away, if you please."

11. An Inconvenient Truth--there are not a lot of what we consider "modern" consumer conveniences. They do have drive-thrus, but only at McDonald's, which they renamed as the McDrive. But no drive-thru banking, pharmacies, or podiatrists. Most grocery stores close at 7:30 or 8:00 (that's 19h30 or 20h00...), and DO NOT arrive there 5 minutes before unless you want to be leered at and murmured about like a German war veteran instead of a Dad looking for a loaf of bread, a liter of milk, and a stick of butter. Coming from the land of 24-hour Super Wal-marts and Super Targets, this one was one of the toughest adjustments. Well, that and not being able to find packaged oatmeal, macaroni and cheese, or Diet Mountain Dew (*sheds tear*). It also took us about a year to start remembering to BRING your own shopping bag into the store rather than having to buy them at the register. On the flip side, however...

12. Oven Fresh--not gonna lie, having access to fresh bakeries is incredible. This is one of those things that makes me look in the other direction and ask "How is it that the United States has been able to develop itself as a world power without offering fresh-baked breads and pastries on every corner?" It has taken some time to adjust to the French version of the croissant versus the Costco version. The ones here are just so flaky and fresh, and you sorta feel like apologizing on behalf of all your American brethren for having any part in the desecration that we call the Croissanwich. Nearly every bakery lists itself as having bread, pastries, and "Viennoisieries", which I couldn't find in the dictionary anywhere. It means --coming from Vienna. When I called my French co-workers on the wild and crazy fact that they attribute all their pastries from Vienna, they reminded me of the term "Danishes" which we use in the U.S., and which we rarely attribute to Denmark. Nice point. Touché.

13. Paper is Paper, So Why Should It Be? -- Switching from standard paper (8.5 by 11) to A4 paper. This means a new printer, new binders, new hanging folders, new filing cabinets, etc. Seemingly small change, but we're still feeling less than fully organized because of details like this.

14. Kid's Areas--there are some fantastic places to take our kids, like the Enchanted Forest, the beach, the zoo, the Cannes croisette, and the other playlands we've talked about thus far. They are actually somewhat refreshing from American standards, because I've never had to sign a waiver at any kids' playland area. Get this--they simply expect parents to watch and interact with their own freaking kids! So the lack of paid supervision at most of these places hasn't really bothered us at all. But here's a headscratcher--the McDonald's play area doubles as the smoking zone since it's outside. I have yet to get a picture on my BlackBerry of one of my kids coming down the slide with a cigarette photobombing the shot. But I will post it when I get it; we just don't eat there very often. On the whole, I think our kids have done a tremendous job bending to the new environment. And it's only on very rare occasions now that they cry about the lack of an Arby's.

15. The Cannes Ward--this topic deserves its own post. For example, there is a French-speaking family from Madagascar in our ward. I won't tell you which member of the family asked them if they owned a lemur in order to prove that they were really from Madagascar. (It was me.) So many faux pas, but we keep going to meetings, potlucks, classes, and activities. They are as surprised to see us each week as we are to be there.

16. Unexplored Territory--there are some conversions we haven't been able to make yet. Switching from McDonald's to the local QuickBurger. Giving up eggs as a breakfast food (they prefer omelettes as a lunch item). From everything I've seen, the classic French breakfast consists of a coffee, a croissant, and a cigarette. Switching to the boxed, shelf-stable milk. Eating raw ham. Viewing oysters as a Christmas food.

So if it seems like we are operating at less-than-normal capacity, we probably are. Or at least we certainly were initially, but it feels like we're through that first rough patch. This year has felt less intimidating, less disorienting, and more enjoyable. Which means that if you don't hear from us right away after you email, call, or text, it's probably not because we've adopted to the life of a paysan and we're out on the terrace feeding mosquitoes and arguing over Descartes versus Camus. Most likely, we're trying to keep our heads above water, manage the demands of the job, the homework, the extracurriculars, and the housework. Just like everyone else. But always wearing sweet, stylish scarves.