The Art of French Kissing

I bet you were wondering when I was going to write a post about French kissing. Not THAT kind of French kissing, silly!! The kind that the typical French person customarily does many times a day with all friends and even acquaintances, the "bise" or when two people touch cheeks and kiss the air. This is usually done twice, as in “mhwa, mhwa,” but the lips never actually come in contact with anything. Or at least my lips never do when I "bise." (Jase's note: speak for yourself, Tiff...) Sometimes, I actually do get genuinely kissed (with lips) on each cheek, but almost never by another woman. It may have something to do with lipstick and courtesy.

In France at least, cheek kissing is a ritual or social gesture to indicate friendship, perform a greeting, say goodbye, to comfort someone, to show respect, or sometimes, just to be polite. I have noticed that when you are introduced to a complete stranger, no kissing is ever done: a polite handshake is the accepted norm. Although if you meet someone new through mutual friends, at lunch for example, you start with the handshake. Then, after spending a little time together, it is very common to kiss the new person as you depart. Being raised in America where kissing is reserved for either romance or MAYBE for your grandmother if you are feeling generous, this whole kissing thing is sometimes very confusing to me. The hardest part has been the question of when is it appropriate to switch over from the handshake greeting to the cozy cheek kiss after you have known someone a little while? Is it the second time you see them, the third, or after a month?  What if it's not a genuine French person, but a British expat living in France for some years? Do they still abide by the same kissing customs as the locals? Sometimes, I just have to look for social cues, such as “the lean in” to know whether or not the person is expecting to exchange a cheek kiss.

Jason and I still get teased by Jason's French co-workers by our overzealousness when it comes to this custom and especially in our efforts of trying not to offend anyone. When we first visited France to look for a place to live, we were introduced to our realtor through Jason’s boss, Dany Laroque. The realtor is named Chantal, and not that it matters, but she happens to be older, fairly frumpy, has very thick ankles, and has a mole on her chin sprouting hair—you get the idea. I guess we didn’t notice that Dany never kissed her when we greeted her, and he does not consider her a “friend” per se. But after spending an entire afternoon with her during our house-hunting experience, we said goodbye, and Jason, who is as friendly and polite a person as you could ever meet, kissed her on both cheeks. I didn’t want to come across as the frigid, unfriendly American, so I did the same. Dany said nothing, but when we got in the car, he couldn’t contain his laughter. In fact, he called his wife within minutes, and they both laughed and laughed about our faux pas. A few minutes later, when Dany’s daughter got in the car, and I met her for the first time, I was understandably a little gun shy about kissing strangers. I offered my hand for her to shake, and Dany commanded, “That’s my daughter. You need to kiss her or it will be very rude.” He was serious. Then he immediately told her about the fact that we had kissed Chantal, and then THEY laughed and laughed all over again. You can see why we were a little confused, right? Eight months later, they still all tease us about kissing the realtor Chantal.

Would you find it interesting to know that Jason gets kissed on each cheek every single day by his boss, not just when he arrives at work, but when he leaves as well? His other male and female colleagues kiss him every day too. They kiss me whenever I see them, but that isn’t very often. I asked Jason a while ago if he thinks all the kissing is strange, and he said he’s completely used to it, and that it would now seem strange not to greet his close colleagues with two kisses. (Better watch out all you XanGo employees that he will see this summer!) I actually think it’s sort of sweet when I see Jason’s boss kiss him. I am always reminded of the Godfather for some reason, especially when Dany is wearing one of his many power suits.

Kissing on the cheek in this way is obviously not unique to France. Cheek kissing is very common in Southern, Central and Eastern Europe, the Mediterranean, the Middle East and Latin America, even though each country of course has its variations on the theme. For example, it varies between 2 and 4 kisses in France (generally 2 in the Riviera), but 3 kisses in Belgium, although we're not sure if they favor starting on the left or right side. It is not as common in English-speaking Canada and the United States (as you all know), Asia and Northern Europe. I inform you of this information just in case you ever go to these places. I wouldn’t want you to have a “Chantal experience” in Sweden.

One last observation: French people are notorious for being late, and this certainly applies to my experiences at church here.  However, I have decided that the first meeting always starts 10 minutes late, not because people are late, but because that 's how long it takes to kiss everyone!

Bottom line: if you see us this summer and we start to "lean in" like we're trying to get all kissy on you, please don't be alarmed. It's only because we want to show our affection for you in our French-ified way. Either that or we're going to make you an offer that you can't refuse.

I just had to include this famous painting called "The Kiss" by Austrian artist Gustav Klimt.  Isn't it the coolest?  I'm sure you have all seen it before, but I would love to see the original some day in Vienna.