Which Witch Is Which?

From the desk of Jase:

Trying to get a few of these halfway-finished blog articles posted, so please forgive the un-timeliness of the topic--our first Halloween in France. One thing we noticed quickly about the way this holiday is "celebrated" here is that, while the kids certainly appreciate the opportunity to dress in costumes (they do this already during Carnaval season), there was nothing else familiar. No jack o' lanterns, no hayrides, no apple-bobbing, no organized trick-or-treating (except at the kids' international school). We did take the time to search out a few costume stores, and here's what we could find as costume options for the girls.

The Pink Witch

The Pumpkin Witch

The Devilish ("Diabolique") Witch

The Green Glamour Witch

Well, you get the point. Lest you think that I'm only picking a selected sample of the costume store, here is the wide angle of the aisle, with at least 7 more variations on this style:

So even though we could find some children's costumes, it's not like the aisles of endless variety you can find in any given Target or Walmart (also not nearly as affordable). Not surprisingly, there were a TON of little girls dressed up as witches at the school on Halloween, mostly of the scary and non-glamorous variety. It was worse for the boy costumes--most of the kids wore masks, bandied about all kinds of fake weapons, fake blood, zombie make-up, etc. So even though there was a semblance of Halloween, I'm not sure that they "get it" as anything more than a Designated Scary Day. Where were the Buzz Lightyears, the Luke Skywalkers, the Fairy Princesses, the Tiggers, R2-D2s, and Spidermans? Probably killed by the questionable kid with the Scream mask is my guess.

As an adult that could (without admitting anything here) condone mutual dress-up behavior--not specific to any single holiday--I have no problem with sultry witch costumes. But as a parent of small children, I was slightly concerned to see at the school only kids dressed as witches, vampires, and other "scary" characters. Furthermore, as a capitalist, I see a huge missed opportunity for all the costume-makers who remain firmly in the cute, fuzzy, or fun categories.

In the end, Jenica and Jocelyn dressed as...witches and they fit right in. Maisy, being a nonsensical 3-year-old, went for the total cliche of "Princess with Magic Wand," which she had been wearing since about August 27th in preparation for this performance.

We told Maisy to tell everyone she was a "good witch" to blend in since her classmates might not understand why she turned down a chance to be the "Girl from The Grudge."

Even more tragically, we were unable to drown our holiday disappointment in Fun Sized Snickers swiped during the annual safety inspection of the trick-or-treat haul. But breaking off pieces of Toblerone with a fake knife worked perfectly fine. Now THAT stuff is diabolic.

Tardy Tooth Fairy

The twins have been losing quite a few teeth lately. Each of them has now lost a total of four, but only Jenica has lost one of her front teeth. Her remaining front tooth is very loose, and Jocelyn’s front teeth are loose as well. I wouldn’t be surprised if both girls are missing all of their front teeth by the time we come back to visit this summer.

This is Jenica just before she lost her right front tooth.  (I pulled it with a pair of tweezers!)

She was so glad to finally have it out

My little girl is growing up!

Unlike the US tooth fairy, the French tooth fairy keeps forgetting to leave them coins and take their teeth at night. Just the other day Jocelyn lost a tooth, and then she went to bed so excited about being able to show her new smile to her classmates in the morning.  She was hoping she would even receive a whole Euro coin! However, much to her great dismay, the tooth fairy forgot to come during the night! Jocelyn was so sad that she didn’t even want to go to school. I felt TERRIBLE (and a little mad at the tooth fairy)!! Daddy’s solution to Jocelyn’s teary-eyed disappointment was to call the tooth fairy immediately on his cell phone and then strongly remind her (again) that even though we moved to France, she shouldn’t forget about us! The tooth fairy was very apologetic, and she explained to Daddy that the heavy rain we had received the night before had slowed down her delicate fairy wings considerably and that she couldn’t quite finish her route before the sun came up. Luckily, she said she was able to come right away, so we closed the bedroom door, opened the window and shutters, had breakfast, and during that time, she brought Jocelyn a whole 2-Euro coin AND a 50 Euro-cent coin. Wow—the tooth fairy must have felt a little guilty or something. Jocelyn was thrilled.

Jocelyn's permanent teeth were already through the gum even before her baby teeth came out.

This is the sweetest most forgiving child in the world

By the way French children know to expect coins not from a “tooth fairy,” but from “La Petite Souris,” meaning “The Little Mouse.” However, since we are an American family, we let the tooth fairy know we still want her to honor her original arrangement with us. (My kids were a little freaked out by the idea of a mouse sneaking into their bedroom to take their teeth. Oddly enough, it doesn’t bother the French kids.)

The Art of French Kissing

I bet you were wondering when I was going to write a post about French kissing. Not THAT kind of French kissing, silly!! The kind that the typical French person customarily does many times a day with all friends and even acquaintances, the "bise" or when two people touch cheeks and kiss the air. This is usually done twice, as in “mhwa, mhwa,” but the lips never actually come in contact with anything. Or at least my lips never do when I "bise." (Jase's note: speak for yourself, Tiff...) Sometimes, I actually do get genuinely kissed (with lips) on each cheek, but almost never by another woman. It may have something to do with lipstick and courtesy.

In France at least, cheek kissing is a ritual or social gesture to indicate friendship, perform a greeting, say goodbye, to comfort someone, to show respect, or sometimes, just to be polite. I have noticed that when you are introduced to a complete stranger, no kissing is ever done: a polite handshake is the accepted norm. Although if you meet someone new through mutual friends, at lunch for example, you start with the handshake. Then, after spending a little time together, it is very common to kiss the new person as you depart. Being raised in America where kissing is reserved for either romance or MAYBE for your grandmother if you are feeling generous, this whole kissing thing is sometimes very confusing to me. The hardest part has been the question of when is it appropriate to switch over from the handshake greeting to the cozy cheek kiss after you have known someone a little while? Is it the second time you see them, the third, or after a month?  What if it's not a genuine French person, but a British expat living in France for some years? Do they still abide by the same kissing customs as the locals? Sometimes, I just have to look for social cues, such as “the lean in” to know whether or not the person is expecting to exchange a cheek kiss.

Jason and I still get teased by Jason's French co-workers by our overzealousness when it comes to this custom and especially in our efforts of trying not to offend anyone. When we first visited France to look for a place to live, we were introduced to our realtor through Jason’s boss, Dany Laroque. The realtor is named Chantal, and not that it matters, but she happens to be older, fairly frumpy, has very thick ankles, and has a mole on her chin sprouting hair—you get the idea. I guess we didn’t notice that Dany never kissed her when we greeted her, and he does not consider her a “friend” per se. But after spending an entire afternoon with her during our house-hunting experience, we said goodbye, and Jason, who is as friendly and polite a person as you could ever meet, kissed her on both cheeks. I didn’t want to come across as the frigid, unfriendly American, so I did the same. Dany said nothing, but when we got in the car, he couldn’t contain his laughter. In fact, he called his wife within minutes, and they both laughed and laughed about our faux pas. A few minutes later, when Dany’s daughter got in the car, and I met her for the first time, I was understandably a little gun shy about kissing strangers. I offered my hand for her to shake, and Dany commanded, “That’s my daughter. You need to kiss her or it will be very rude.” He was serious. Then he immediately told her about the fact that we had kissed Chantal, and then THEY laughed and laughed all over again. You can see why we were a little confused, right? Eight months later, they still all tease us about kissing the realtor Chantal.

Would you find it interesting to know that Jason gets kissed on each cheek every single day by his boss, not just when he arrives at work, but when he leaves as well? His other male and female colleagues kiss him every day too. They kiss me whenever I see them, but that isn’t very often. I asked Jason a while ago if he thinks all the kissing is strange, and he said he’s completely used to it, and that it would now seem strange not to greet his close colleagues with two kisses. (Better watch out all you XanGo employees that he will see this summer!) I actually think it’s sort of sweet when I see Jason’s boss kiss him. I am always reminded of the Godfather for some reason, especially when Dany is wearing one of his many power suits.

Kissing on the cheek in this way is obviously not unique to France. Cheek kissing is very common in Southern, Central and Eastern Europe, the Mediterranean, the Middle East and Latin America, even though each country of course has its variations on the theme. For example, it varies between 2 and 4 kisses in France (generally 2 in the Riviera), but 3 kisses in Belgium, although we're not sure if they favor starting on the left or right side. It is not as common in English-speaking Canada and the United States (as you all know), Asia and Northern Europe. I inform you of this information just in case you ever go to these places. I wouldn’t want you to have a “Chantal experience” in Sweden.

One last observation: French people are notorious for being late, and this certainly applies to my experiences at church here.  However, I have decided that the first meeting always starts 10 minutes late, not because people are late, but because that 's how long it takes to kiss everyone!

Bottom line: if you see us this summer and we start to "lean in" like we're trying to get all kissy on you, please don't be alarmed. It's only because we want to show our affection for you in our French-ified way. Either that or we're going to make you an offer that you can't refuse.

I just had to include this famous painting called "The Kiss" by Austrian artist Gustav Klimt.  Isn't it the coolest?  I'm sure you have all seen it before, but I would love to see the original some day in Vienna.

Mainly on the Plains of Ukraine

From the desk of Jase:

So a few people have asked me why I'm not commenting more on my various work trips since the relocation to Europe. Which people, you ask? Just...people (and also Canadians). You probably don't know them. Nevertheless, the point was taken and I thought I would offer to the Blog Readership some of my thoughts and musings from my most recent trip to Kiev, Ukraine.

This my first trip to the Ukraine, and I immediately could see why the Ukrainians fancy themselves closer to continental Europe than the former USSR republic states. The architecture was more decorative and less austere (i.e., nondescript Soviet gray), with many brightly-colored blue and gold-topped Russian Orthodox churches and some large Jewish synagogues.

I was only there for 3 full days, primarily meeting with lawyers, tax professionals, accountants, the warehouse staff in our Kiev office, and some Ukrainian citizens willing to help us fill a director role (it's mandated that we have a local director at first). So--not super exciting, and I can't easily explain to a tax specialist why I would like a picture with him for the blog audience.

But you always get little bits of culture if you are observant and if you prompt discussions about it in a respectful fashion.

Wrong Way: "Tell me--and please be specific--why you haven't left this frozen wasteland for a REAL country yet?"

Even More Wrong Way: "So are Ukrainians more predisposed genetically for goiters or can you just not afford iodized salt here?"

If you ask appropriate questions, however, I've found that most people LOVE to talk about their home countries, especially if you don't make any comparisons to other countries until you find out which countries THEY look down on, and then it's fair game (looking squarely at you, Uzbekistan). Here's a joke they shared:

An Ukrainian immigrant goes to the gov't office to apply for a driver's license.
He has to take an eye test. The clerk shows him a card with the letters:

C Z W I X N O S T A C Z

"Can you read this?" the clerk asks.
"Read it?" the Ukrainian replies, "I know the guy."

And in the evenings, we tried out some traditional Ukrainian fare. Here are some photos from a restaurant called Spotykach, that inevitably sounds better when written in Cyrillic or pronounced by a native Ukrainian.

The first thing you notice when arriving to the restaurant is a FREE appetizer! Awesome, right? Like a Bloomin' Onion or some hot wings? Almost awesome (much like Jessica Simpson has "almost" won the Nobel Prize). Actually, what they offer instead, is a winning combination of Salo (pork back fat) on toast and vodka with horseradish.

Fat on Toast - not just a great name for a band anymore.

My colleague declined to try the Salo on toast, but I had to give it a sample. First impression--yes indeedy, that's certainly pork back fat. Possibly high-quality fat, but definitely not of the low-fat variety. Also, it leaves a nice fatty sheen inside your entire mouth for at least 2 days afterward, as if you licked the inside of a Crisco tub. As a blog tip note, please DO NOT enter the term "back fat" into your search engine with the SafeSearch turned off. Some things can't be unseen, no matter how much Lysol you spray directly onto your eyeballs.

The ambience of the restaurant can only be described as: "Grandma's Parlor-esque".

No need to bring your own tea doilies here. They've got you covered.

We asked for a copy of the English menu, which I found utterly delightful both for its variety as well as its English translations. I have been a long admirer of the website http://www.engrish.com/, which allows contributors to submit almost-right translations they notice in their travels. Although the website features some amazing menus (http://www.engrish.com/category/menus/), this one at Spottykach was the best one I've seen in real life.

First, they educate you:

And then you are presented with many options, most of which create more questions for the guest.
 

Waiter, can I also request ketchup for the cold boiled tongue?

I'm thinking about the fish, but how crucial is it today? Oh, I see.

And what would you consider the best overall "snack" for vodka? Uh huh.

Vodka is a point of constant discussion for Russians (especially when you work for a beverage company). And they all have opinions and stories about it. I actually heard this one too.

Doctor to patient: "This medicine is for insomnia, this one is for nervous break-down, and also take this one for depression."Patient: "Thank you very much, Doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides vodka?"

What if I'm looking for a non-specific grouping of meat varieties? Do you offer, say, a random hodgepodge? Great.



Do I really want to ask what the term "spissated milk" is referring to, or whether this person "Mam" is supplying it?



In the end, after reviewing every single option on the menu, I went with pretty tame choices. Some caviar in crepes, some mystery meat & potato Russian dumplings with sour cream, and the never-fails-to-disappoint Beef Stroganoff.



Finally, on the way back to the hotel we walked by one of the big shopping centers in Kiev. A certain organic products store had this giant window treatment encouraging consumers to think Green.

I'm not the biggest proponent of the environmentalism movement, but for some reason, this consumer message has stayed with me.

Other notes from my trip:

1. Apparently jokes about Cherynobyl are still off-limits. The half-life on the radioactive Cesium there is 300 years, so I'll check for an update on this topic in about 175 years.

2. Fur coats don't just look fashionable in the Ukraine; they are a necessity. It's freakin' freezing there, and I even saw some river otters wearing scarves of fox pelts.

3. Probably related to #2, there are not any homeless people on the streets of Kiev.

4. There is a small black market for mushrooms, berries, or wild game (like the delicious five-legged deer) from highly contaminated areas near Chernobyl. Most people buy the items either on a dare to be "cuh-razy", because of suicidal tendencies and irresponsible behavior or to give to others (their boss, their mother-in-law, etc.).

5. February is not Black History month in the Ukraine.

6. Icefishing on the frozen Dnieper river that bisects Kiev--perfect for people who love fish and hemorrhoids, but hate warmth and the company of others.

7. I visited a Ukrainian art gallery for the artist Igor Gubsky (http://igorgubskiy.com/eng/biography), whose works resembled the Dutch Masters in color tones. Many less-than-flattering portraits of interesting individuals, some landscapes, and of course (the prerogative of any "artiste"), the tasteful nudes.

Hope this gives you a window into my mind as I travel to new places. I try to keep my camera nearby when something strikes my fancy and I always keep an open mind and an open stomach. And I have the pork fat breath to prove it.

Family Fun

I have never wanted this blog to be a travelogue, and I don’t plan to start now. Although I have to admit, I was tempted to upload and share the itinerary I prepared for my last visitors, since F.I.V.E. family members came to see us all at the same time, and the trip turned out so well. I honestly didn’t have the capacity to offer a trip like this to visitors when we first moved here, so I’m thrilled my family was able to come when they could experience so much. The longer we live in France, the better we get at hosting visitors, simply because we feel more comfortable getting around and have learned more about what there is to do and see here. My three sisters, my mother, and my niece were here for 10 days, so that really gave us a lot of time to show them this area. Most of our time was spent close to where we live in southern France, but we also went to Italy two separate days, to Monaco for an afternoon (which is the second smallest country in the world), and spent our last two days of the trip in Paris.

Mom, Alena, Heather, Lisa--in front of the castello in Milan, Italy

I have an unbelievable family, and I am very grateful. So instead of giving details about our destinations and experiences, I want to simply blog about them.


Anyone who is lucky enough to know my mother knows that she is a crack up. She speaks her mind, and quite frankly, she doesn’t much care what anyone thinks. I love her for it. You always know where you stand with her, and she just doesn’t have it in her to be the least bit disingenuous. She is loving, funny, and talkative. She also “tells it like it is,” and most people adore her for her candor. I had forgotten what a people person she is. She will talk to anyone, and had chats with people from all over the world, including people she met on the bus to our hotel, people she met in the metro in Paris, people in a café in the Louvre, and, well. . .you get the idea.

My mom begged me to bring home this brick for her when I come to visit for the summer.  Like I said, she's a crack up.

My daughter Jocelyn and my Mother are two peas in a pod. Besides Jocelyn’s social nature, I always wondered where she got her love of collecting things, such as feathers, shells, sea glass, rocks, old buttons, beads, etc. She told me her favorite game at recess is “treasure hunting,” which means looking all over the playground for anything worth picking up. I realize now more than ever, Jocelyn got this love of collecting from my Mom. Every time we went on a walk, Mom would find “treasures,” so many in fact that she couldn’t quite fit them all in her suitcase when it came time to come home.

Mom LOVED these old cannon balls we saw in a moat-like structure in Milan.  She kept asking how she could get down to them so she could take one home!

Lisa is my older sister, but she doesn’t look it. She is probably the most pleasant, helpful, efficient person you could ever meet. The dirty dishes at my house after meals never stood a chance with her around, and neither did my laundry. I have always admired the fact that Lisa NEVER has to be asked to do anything. She simply sees something that needs to be done, and she does it, always without complaint. She is the easiest house guest you can imagine. She is one of those people who is amazing at everything she does, but somehow she doesn’t make you feel like a loser for not doing things as well as she does. No wonder she has about a million friends.

Alena is the sister just younger than I am, so third oldest. She is probably the calmest and most patient person I know (after my husband). Though her daughter Avery was incredibly well behaved and so much fun to have around, she got understandably bored and tired at some of the things we did. We were fortunate to have Jason and my girls to leave her with on the days to Italy, but we dragged that poor kid all over Paris, to museums, to landmarks, all over the airport, all over the subway, and sometimes, she had just had it with all the walking. My feet were aching like crazy at the end of the day, so I can only imagine how hers must have felt. Alena was always so patient with her. I have always been impressed at how Alena manages not to ever lose her cool. She is incredibly even-keeled, diplomatic, polite, and well mannered.

Alena and Avery on the famous croisette in Cannes

An unruffled Alena and a very tired Avery in front of the famous Monte Carlo casino in Monaco

Heather is the youngest, and she’s probably the most fun and creative, though my other two sisters are fun and creative too. Auntie Heather was fought over the most by my kids. She played games with them, entertained them, and made them laugh. Heather teaches a cooking class, and is so entertaining to watch prepare meals. She has two very young children at home who are not in school yet, plus she is a school teacher, so it was very difficult for her to make arrangements to come here for so long, but I was so glad she was able to make it work. She was the only one in the bunch who had never been to Europe before, so it was fun to share new experiences with her.

Heather in front of "Devil's Bridge" while enjoying the views at Eze Village

I wasn't kidding when I called Heather creative.  She is planning to make this umbrella into a skirt for a class she teaches called "Reuse and Recycle."  Should be interesting.

I really could go on and on about these incredible women, but instead I will thank the MVP of the entire trip, and that’s Jason. He rearranged his very busy schedule to stay with FOUR kids whenever we needed him to. He didn’t just plop them in front of the TV either; he took them to all kinds of fun kid’s places by himself. Entertaining kids during the day meant staying up till 2 or 3 in the morning so he could keep up at work (yes, I felt terrible about that). He postponed some of his travel to accommodate this trip; he picked up all kinds of fun pastries and cheeses for my family to sample. He downloaded maps and directions for me, helped me book my air travel, emailed me the phone numbers and websites I needed in order to make all of the reservations of various attractions; he even programmed my car’s navigation for me with all the addresses I might need. Basically, the high degree of the trip’s success was directly related to Jason’s efforts and sacrifices. He is THE BEST husband ever.

Jason and Jenica in front of Ville-franche

Thanks to my family for all the fun memories. We'll be talking about this trip for a long time, and I miss you guys already!